Trig Homework
by lovelypenguin8
Summary: Bella's doing her homework but she needs help. Why is Edward running away? And why is Jasper drawing bunnies? and what is Emmett wearing? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Twilight or New Moon. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please don't send evil vampire penguins to kill me.**

"Hey, Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"Can you help me with this Trig problem?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

I look up to see Edward running out of the room at a human speed, flailing his arms in the air and screaming bloody murder.

'That was weird,' I thought to myself. I still needed help with Trig. 'Who can I ask for help?' Carlisle was at the hospital and Alice, Esme and Rosalie were out shopping. Jasper seemed to be my best bet. I mean who would ask EMMETT for help?

I made it down the stairs, only tripping once. Luckily, I landed on a large pile of clothes Alice left on the stairs. Sometimes having a friend who could predict the future was very convenient.

I made it into the living room where I could hear Jasper playing a video game. He may seem quiet and shy but once you got him playing a game, you realize just how loud and rude he can be. I stepped into the room and just narrowly missed being hit by the controller, which Jasper had thrown at the wall after losing the level. He picked up the controller and kept playing without even apologizing. How rude.

I looked by the fireplace and what I saw shocked me...

Emmett was sitting in the big plush chair, wearing glasses and a robe, reading a large book, and smoking a pipe. I stared at him until he finally noticed me. "What's your deal, Bells?"

"You're...ummmm...I didn't realize...you...READ?!?!?!?!?"

Emmett sighed and put his book aside, "You see Bella, I know that everyone thinks I am some kind of oversized dummy with no brain, but I really am quite intelligent. I just find it much more interesting to be stupid."

I stared in awe at him a few moments longer but soon remembered the reason I had come down here. I walked over to Jasper. "Jasper." He didn't respond. "Jasper," I said a little louder. Still no signs of life. "JASPER!"

"Jesus, Bella. You don't have to go Alice on me. What do you need?" Jasper asked annoyed.

"Ummm... I needed help with my Trig homework, do you think you can help me?"

Emmett burst out laughing. "Jasper...smart...he's...HAHAHA...I can't believe...HAHA...he's so...STUPID!!!!!" Jasper gave Emmett a dirty look, scrunched up his face and started working on the problem.

After ten minutes, Emmett finally stopped laughing, and Jasper STILL hadn't finished the problem. I looked over his shoulder to see what he was doing, and what I saw wasn't a math problem. It was a bunny. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was well drawn and kinda cute but, what does a bunny have to do with TRIG?

"Uhh...Jasper?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"What does that," I pointed to the bunny, "have to do with that," I pointed to the trig problem.

"The bunny was cuter," Jasper said innocently. Emmett once again burst out laughing. I would have laughed too if it weren't for the fact that Jasper was completely serious. Wow, that explains why he is always so quiet. I mean if I was that dumb I'd shut up too. But how can you go through high school so many times and still be that dumb? I wonder if Alice knows about this...

"I tried to tell you Bella, but you didn't listen," Emmett said calming down a little. "Give me the problem."

After a few minutes I had an answer and a complete understanding of the problem. "Thanks Emmett." Who would have thought that Emmett was smart? "Hey, Emmett?"

"Yes Bella-Bo Ella?"

"Does Edward have a problem with trig?"

**What's up with Edward? What could possibly make him run away at the mere mention of trig? **

**Find out next time!**

**-Lovely Penguin**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews! They made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon so I therefore own no characters. Please don't rub it in.**

**Chapter 2**

Emmett once again started laughing. I sat back and let him calm down a little. When he could speak he started telling me of that day not too long ago...

"Okay, so when we went to school in Indiana," he paused when I gave him a weird look. "What?"

"Doesn't Indiana get sunny?" I asked.

"It depends on the year. Anyway, we were sitting in trig, listening to the teacher droning on and on. Suddenly, through the open window, flew a huge flock of geese. They were immediately attracted to Edward. They surrounded him, and he couldn't get away. The next few seconds cannot be described in words, but once the geese left, Edward was gone in five seconds flat. We left Indiana the next day. The funniest thing about the whole scene was that Edward is absolutely terrified of geese, something from his past life."

Once Emmett was done I was laughing with him. I laughed until I was out of breath. Then I laughed some more. "What's so funny?" Edward asked as he wrapped his arms around me. I shook my head and kept laughing. His being there only made it funnier. Edward looked confused but after a few seconds he was very angry. "EMMETT!"

Edward chased Emmett outside where I could see them fighting. I heard someone humming behind me so I turned around. There, in front of the T.V. was Jasper...Doing the chicken dance. He noticed me looking at him so he grabbed my arm and forced me to do the hokey-pokey with him. After a while I was actually enjoying doing the hokey-pokey. Stupid vampire gift making me enjoy this.

I stopped dancing when I heard a blood curling scream from the backyard. I looked to Jasper who just shrugged and started doing the Macarena. I shook my head and looked back outside. Edward was being chased by a flock of geese!!!!!!

I felt him run past me and slam the door to his room. The flock of geese entered the house followed by a laughing Emmett. The geese looked around, stared at me for a few moments, and then plopped right down like they owned the place. This was too much for me. I fell to the floor laughing.

An hour or two later when the rest of the Cullens came home, they found Edward barricaded in his room, mumbling under his breathe, Emmett reading a large book in Latin, Jasper playing duck-duck-goose with the geese, and me still laughing on the ground.

"What did we miss?" They asked in unison.

**Hoped you liked it. **

**-Lovely Penguin**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon but I do own a cookie…**

The Cullens stood in the doorway, shocked. Carlisle was the first to snap out of the daze he was in. "Bella, you are turning purple. Please stop laughing or I'll have to take you to the hospital." Esme nodded her head in agreement. I finally stopped laughing.

After shooting me a death glare, Rosalie walked over to Emmett, gave him a kiss, and left. Emmett sat in his chair a few moments longer, but then quickly followed Rosalie out of the room.

At this point Jasper had stopped playing duck- duck- goose and had moved on to reading a big, complicated book. I wonder if this is his way of hiding his stupidity from Alice. I figured that she didn't know how dumb he was. Alice walked over to him and plucked the book from his hands so she could give him a hug. Turns out Jasper wasn't really reading the book, just like I had thought, since inside the book was a picture book. It told the story of a penguin who had to leave home with his only companion… A polar bear. I had to give Jasper credit, he could had great taste in animals.

"Jasper?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Why are you hiding this," she asked, pointing to the picture book, "In this?" She pointed to the big book lying open on the floor.

"Well, you see….umm…. this book big book was describing the life of a penguin, and I thought it appropriate to have an illustration to go along with it," Jasper said smugly. Too bad that Alice just had to read the title of the book, which was a biography about James Buchanan.

"Jasper," Alice said sweetly. "It's not okay to lie to me, remember last time you lied?" Jasper looked terrified. He was too scared to even nod. "Would you like to tell me the truth?"

"Umm, the penguin was cuter?" Alice gave Jasper the scariest look I had ever seen. Jasper ran out of the house. Alice came over to me, gave me a hug, and followed Jasper out. This wasn't gonna be pretty.

After a few moments of silence, Esme shooed the geese, who had been watching the scene with amused eyes, out of the living room. After Esme returned, Edward came downstairs. I took one look at him and started to laugh again. I kept laughing and laughing and laughing. Everyone was telling me to calm down, but I couldn't! This day was just too much! Suddenly, I stopped laughing, and the world went black. Maybe I should have listened to Carlisle…


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

I awoke to quiet murmurs. "I think she's coming around," said a familiar, deep voice.

I felt cold arms wrap around my waist then my angels voice whispering in my ear. "Bella, dear? Can you hear me?"

I groaned in response. "Can you not talk so loud?"

"Did someone have too much to drink?" asked Emmett in an overly obnoxious voice. All the Cullens began to laugh. At this point in time I was absolutely fed up with laughter. There's only so much a human can take!

I opened my eyes and sat up, crossing my arms. "Awwww, Bella, don't be like that. We're only kidding," said Edward in a soothing tone. I simply scowled at him, and squeezed out of his arms, moving to the other side of the couch.

"Where'd Alice go?" I asked the still laughing room. Apparently my anger made the situation all the more funny. It's times like these I wished the Cullens had to breathe.

Esme was the only one who respected me enough to answer me. "Well, dear, it's just that Alice doesn't appreciate being fooled. She knows that Jasper is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but she looks past it. All Jasper has to do is to stop looking at all those picture books. She hates the cute, fuzzy, fluffy animals. She thinks that he likes them more than her." This little bit of information made me giggle. Esme continued, "So, at the moment Alice is punishing him."

"But what did Alice mean when she asked if he remembered what happened last time?"

Edward, the stupid vampire who only respected me when I wasn't doing anything he found funny, answered me this time. "Well, Jasper has done this before. Last time Alice tortured him for an entire day." I gave him a blank stare. He chuckled but continued. "She made him watch the raisin bran commercials over and over."

"In what way, besides the continued annoyance, is that torture?" I asked.

"Well, Jasper is terrified of raisins." Emmett finished, before starting yet another round of loud laughter. At least this time, I could laugh with him. This day was turning out to be unbelievable. What next?

Just then, Alice entered the house, pulling Jasper by the ear. This alone was hilarious, considering the fact that Alice was about a foot shorter than him. The thing that made me fall to the floor with laughter was Jasper's clothing. He was wearing a suit made to look like a penguin. On the suit were stitched raisins. Alice wore a dress with designs of dancing and singing raisins. Jasper looked TERRIFIED. He was struggling to get away from Alice, but she would not let go.

"Hello family. I was wondering if you would mind doing me a favor." Alice told the room. We all murmured our agreement. Alice handed each of us a bag and told us to put on the clothes inside. I opened my bag and found……..

A shirt with a ginormous raisin playing a saxophone, and a pair of jeans with a giant raisin playing the trumpet. Together, they formed a wonderful duet. To go with my outfit, Alice included a C.D. and a boom box. The C.D. was by a band called the Raisins. This would be interesting………

I hope you enjoyed! I'd like to thank my friend yumm.Edward. for her wonderful advice!

Where will this story go next, nobody knows  

Lovely Penguin


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

**Chapter 5**

After changing into my ridiculous raisin themed outfit, I joined the rest of the Cullens. It simply wasn't fair that they made their outfits look good. Take Rosalie for example, even though she was wearing a hideous, wrinkled Raisin- Bran shirt, she looked like she belonged on a runaway. I just looked ridiculous. Stupid humanity.

Edward noticed my entrance, and came over to stand by me. He, of course, looked like a god. So. Not. Fair. Before I could enlighten all of them with my view on the situation, Alice began to speak. She was standing behind a chair that held a poor, defenseless Jasper. Maybe the situation was more unfair for him. I mean, it cant be ALL his fault he's an idiot. Maybe he just needs some extra help.

"All right everyone, I know that we are all in agreement that this is the best way to make Jasper understand that lying is not something big boys do." Alice looked at us with what seemed like her usual smile, but looking deeper I saw the edge that dared anyone to contradict her. Though I desperately wanted to disagree, I knew fighting her on this would just bring me torture, and I didn't want that. I sighed, and Alice, who had been watching me, continued. "Now, I think it is time to begin. Bella, please bring me those things I left in your bag."

Raising one eyebrow, I handed her the bad containing the C.D. player and C.D. As she plugged in the stereo, she explained what we were going to do. As she went through the rules of the game I had played so many times before, a feeling of dread passed over me. Jasper was the only one who noticed, and the only thing he did was raise an eyebrow at me. I really hoped he wasn't thinking about my dread. I wouldn't want Edward to know about this fear of mine. My fear of (insert dramatic music here)...

Musical chairs.

I turned to see if Edward was hearing anything out of the ordinary from Jasper, but he was busy staring uneasily out of the window. I followed his gaze and saw the geese from before. A big female goose, who I decided to name Miss Puffy Feathers, was sitting at the center and staring at Edward with, dare I say it, a look of longing?

I stood on my tip toes and gave Edward a firm kiss on the lips. He instinctively pulled me a little closer, of course not crossing his stupid boundaries. I looked back out the window to see Miss Puffy Feathers glaring daggers at me. For a moment, I understood Edward's insane fear of geese. I shuddered and the gaggle of geese flew away, every single one of them glaring. Edward gave me a strange look, but Alice interrupted. I'd talk to him about the goose situation later. No one was going to go after MY Edward like that. I'd keep him on a vampire proof leash if I thought another girl, or goose, was going to try to take him from me. I stopped this train of thought as Alice got her finger closer and closer to the play button. There was no escape now...

**I hope you liked it! **

**Lovely Penguin**


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